


Memory of our Song

by AeonWing



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 20:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10288598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonWing/pseuds/AeonWing
Summary: Stixxay and Darshan's increasingly failing relationship as they struggle to replicate Spring of 2016 and MSI's success during the Summer.Heavy angst later on, smut, some fluff in the earlier stages.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm back with a real story (hopefully)  
> Since I didn't like the way I wrote my original attempt at Stixxshan.
> 
> I do not condone or support any of the dysfunctionality of the relationship, and is not something I will ever wish on anyone outside of a purely fictional standpoint.
> 
> This is essentially me channeling my frustrating and masochistic decision to continue being a CLG fan... Well. Enjoy!
> 
> I've left out a couple of tags for potential spoilers. Feel free to ask if you're curious, I'll be glad to answer small bits

** May 27th, 2016 **

A whole two weeks have gone by since MSI has ended, and a mere one week before the start of the 2016 North American Summer Split LCS. Far too little time to rejoice, even less time to practice. Counter Logic Gaming has made history, for their match against SKT T1 has signified the first time that a North American was represented at a Riot-hosted International Finals.

An 0-3 loss, but history nonetheless. Against all odds, against all critics, against all doubts. A new team, a new marksman, a new midlaner. Out has gone Doublelift, out has gone Pobelter. In have come Stixxay and Huhi. A new roster, only to claim another North American LCS title. Only to come second at the Mid-Season Invitational. Only to prove the world wrong.

The team that has swept Team Solomid in 2015 3-0 could not have been expected to replicate their success with two new challenger no-names. How wrong the world has been. But the year isn’t over. Far from it. In a week, the stage will welcome them. In a week, the cheers of thousands of fans will welcome their defending champions.

 

* * *

Their scrim room is cold and empty, but the environment is something Trevor is all too used to. It’s essentially their workplace. An isolated prison he must have sunk countless hours in. He’d be lying if he said that he  wasn’t still feeling a little burnt out after such an exhausting run at MSI. Trevor sighs, being the first to sit down at his computer desk. Two weeks is not nearly long enough of a break but two weeks have felt far too long away from Darshan.

It doesn’t take long for the rest of his teammates to come in, for the silence to become indistinct chatter. He greets them, one at a time. One, two, three…

 

_Where’s Darshan?_

 

His eyes dart, away from the screen, but they’re not as fast as his ears. He can finally recognize, can finally hear Darshan. It’s calming, it’s satisfying.

He smiles, involuntarily, if for only a fraction of a second. Darshan is walking towards him. The orientation of the footsteps and sound tell him so. Suddenly, he can feel reassuring arms around him, and he doesn’t need to see the man to know that it’s Darshan. No one else does this so freely.

He has to resist the temptation to reciprocate the touch. They are not alone. The familiar sensation of skin brushing against skin causes his heart to pound in his chest, and he can only feel slightly relieved when Darshan’s arms leave as fast as they have come.

“Hey,” he whispers.

“Hey,” Trevor whispers back, reserved, the slight fluttering of his heart from Darshan’s touch perfectly hidden behind his monotone voice, his expressionless face. Stolen moments such as this brief hug in the scrim room were all they had. How he wishes they were alone right now. That they’d be free to express themselves. That none of their actions could be subject to scrutiny.

That no one might judge.

The presence of Darshan wanes. Receding footsteps tell him Darshan is probably heading to his seat. His eyes wander, from Zaq, to Jae, to Jake. And finally Darshan. Everything is in order, everything is in place.

Darshan sits behind him. They play on opposite ends of the room, their backs perpetually turned to one another. It’s a little unfortunate, but perhaps a little bit of space isn’t all that bad.

Suddenly, his phone lights up, He’s aware that Zaq is looking, but he’s confident that no one else can make out the words on the small screen.

 

(9:28)

_Darshan:_ Hey babe. Missed you  <333.

_Darshan:_ When did u come back last night? Were all of us already sleeping?

 

Trevor smiles at that, even if the fatigue in his limbs is still evident. They haven’t spoken in person for two weeks. Words behind a lit screen would never make up nor compare. To never hear, never see, never feel.

But for now, it will suffice.

 

(9:29)

_Trevor:_ Like 2 am LOL. I feel like shit still but meh fuck it

_Trevor:_ I think my hairs messed up too.

 

He steals a glance over his shoulder, and can see Darshan supress a giggle. Immediately, his eyes dart over to his teammates. Jae is preoccupied. As is Jake.

No one quite notices, or at least not yet.

 

(9:30)

_Darshan:_ u look dreamy as always dont worry. 10/10 would bang : )

_Trevor:_ ur such a slut <3

 

Their chain of texts is cut short by Tony entering the scrim room. It’s the same old, same old. Debriefing, overview of what to expect and look out for in today’s scrim, personal goals. Nothing Trevor hasn’t already heard a million times. He’s grateful when Tony is done, and even more grateful to see that their scrim opponents are even slower than they are in entering the lobby. Perfect. That means more text time.

 

(9:36)

_Darshan:_ Gonna make you feel real good tonight champ ;)

 

He grins to himself, shooting another glance over at his toplaner. To his delight, Darshan is ready for him, trademark smirk on a perfectly clean-shaven face. It was always like this. Living for the nights together, merely surviving for the days of stolen glances, secret moments.

Their entranced gaze lasts a little too long, and he fears that they’ve drawn the attention of their teammates. Trevor is the first to avert his gaze, dark brown depths scanning the room for confirmation. Nothing has changed. Tony’s soft, humming voice fills the air, and to his relief, no one has noticed.

Tony suddenly clears his throat, and it’s as if their eyes never locked, composure returning to Trevor’s face in the blink of an eye. Darshan hesitates for a second, but ultimately resigns himself to the fact that they’re in public. The words that wish to be heard, but left unspoken.

 

 (9:41)

_Trevor:_ You'll be back to join me?

 

Darshan was the guest of honour at a high school prom tonight.

 

(9:40)

_Darshan:_ Yeah should be.

 

(9:40)

_Trevor:_ Wear something nice for me when u come back

He can hear Darshan chuckling to himself from over his shoulder.

 

(9:41)

_Darshan:_ Oh don’t worry babe, I gotchu covered ;)

_Darshan:_ 11 pm ur room? I got the condom and the lube ready  

 

Trevor can feel the familiar tingle of a shiver trace its way down his spine. Damn it, if only they were alone right now. The adrenaline is coursing through his veins, and it is only the familiar sound of entering champion select that causes his attention to snap back to the task at hand. He closes his eyes, takes a deep, cleansing breath, and he can feel the nervousness ebb slowly ebb away. That can wait. Darshan can wait.

They can hug later, kiss later. It might not make up for the lost time, but it’s in their blood to compete. They belong on the LCS stage.

 

* * *

The soft sizzling sound of eggs in the frying pan give the otherwise massive mansion a homey feel, Trevor feeling at ease after a long day. It was late. Even by _his_ standards it was late. If his teammates weren’t sleeping, they were either locked in their rooms or in Zaq’s case, late night streaming.

Or in Darshan’s case, MIA.

He let out a frustrated breath, glancing at the last message Darshan sent him.

 

(11:23)

_Darshan:_ Srry, I got delayed. Will be back soon

 

So much for Darshan being back by 11. It was almost midnight now, and Trevor could only wonder if that was a ploy. Darshan was no stranger to playing hard to get, with manipulating the rules, with Trevor’s heartstrings. No stranger indeed.

He can finally faintly hear the someone enter the house, even if it doesn’t register.

It was becoming apparent the boy was lost in his thoughts, lost in the memory of their nights together, not so long ago, yes, but an eternity nonetheless. The nights, the limited amount of time they had alone had and probably would always be the highlight of their relationship.

How he wishes it could be different. How he wishes he wasn’t afraid.

“Great scrim on your first day back huh,” a voice speaks, snapping Trevor out of his trance. How long had he lost track of his surroundings? It startles him, and the first thing he notices are that the eggs in the frying pan are overdone.

He lets out an exasperated sigh, removing the pan from the heat and turning around to see Darshan’s approaching figure. It’s quite dark, so he can’t make out the details, but he doesn’t need his eyes to recognize Darshan’s voice anyways.

“Making eggs? That’s _so_ like you.” He chuckles.

Trevor hates how teasing and condescending it sounds. He sticks out his tongue, much to Darshan’s amusement. “Don’t talk. You’re late.”

“I’m just kidding,” he smiles, and Trevor rolls his eyes at that. He turns his attention back to the eggs, wondering what to do with what appeared to be a fallen meal. From the corner of his eye, the light shines, revealing what appears to be Darshan in a suit over a dress shirt. Of course. Guest of honour at a school’s prom. And _damn_ does he look sexy in that.

“Do I smell burning?” Darshan asks, making exaggerated sniffing noises as the burning odor grew stronger.

And of course, to his dismay, the toast, which Trevor had forgotten about, sitting in the toaster oven, had been burned to a crisp. Smoke is fuming from the oven, and Trevor’s startled expression brings another smile to Darshan’s face. “Fuck,” he mutters, hastily shutting off the oven, shaking his head disapprovingly at the blackened remains of bread. “Look what you did Darshan.”

Darshan laughs dryly at that. “Yeah man, I totally caused your bread to burn.”

Trevor shakes his head in response, but the impish smile doesn’t recede from his lips. “Yeah, cuz you’re so hot, am I right?” He raises both eyebrows for emphasis, eyes scanning his boyfriend’s physique from head to toe and Darshan doubles over in laughter.

Trevor might love playing hard to get. But he certainly wasn’t being hard to get. He shakes his head again, hastily removing the pieces of burnt bread from the oven. Unfortunately, it’s a lot hotter than he expects, and he drops it just as fast as he picked it up.

“Fuck,” he mutters, shaking his hand in recoil at the heat. And in an instant, Darshan’s expression goes from playful to worried.

“You alright?” Darshan asks, brows furrowed, the adrenaline in his voice tempered with concern, fighting the urge to hold and soothe Trevor’s hand. He knows. Knows how adamant Trevor is about showing affection publicly. It’s a little unfortunate, and its only exacerbated by the fact that they haven’t been together for two whole weeks, and he stops incredibly short of making physical contact.

Trevor is quick to pick up on Darshan’s unease. “It’s fine,” he mutters, forcing a smile on his otherwise tired expression. He doesn’t like seeing Darshan upset, but the fear of getting caught is just as strong. “I’m just a little hungry… As you might be able to guess.” He mutters, shooting a venomous glare at the remains of a fallen meal.

Darshan chuckles at that. It’s feeble, almost amusing, and Trevor knows that Darshan won’t pay heed to such an arbitrary complaint. He knows neither of them would give up the limited amount of time they had each night for overdone eggs and burnt toast.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you…” He purrs, “…Something else to eat.” A chuckle escapes his lips, and he can’t help but stare at Trevor’s increasingly flushed cheeks.

“Really Darshan? Can’t you think of anything that isn’t classless and tasteless?” Trevor chirps back, amused nonetheless.

“ _Tasteless?_ I don’t think so.”

They both share a laugh at that. Being this close to Darshan for the first time in forever. It’s calming, it’s soothing; the workload of a stressful day forgotten. Trevor can faintly pick up the scent of cologne on his boyfriend’s body. It’s incredibly tantalizing. Of course it is. He bought it personally for Darshan, not too long ago.

“You smell… Good,” Trevor purrs, gently leaning against Darshan’s athletic build. “Why today though?” He asks, a slightly mischievous smile forming on that normally unexpressive face. He knows Darshan well. He can probably count the times Darshan wore cologne on a single hand. Or perhaps two. He’d lost count already. He knows Darshan only really wore it on special occasions, the few off days they had with one another, where it was more than just about the nights in bed.

Darshan smiles at that. He can read Trevor like an open book. “Today is a special day, don’t you know?”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know…” He begins, the smirk everlasting, dark depths staring into Trevor’s. “I just thought after two weeks…” He whispers into Trevor’s ears, apparently quite confident in his case. It’s meticulous, it’s careful, it’s premeditated. From the way he stays just a little longer than necessary, to the way his breath softly ghosts over the boy’s skin. “We’d both appreciate something… Nice” He finishes, gently grazing the boy’s pale skin with his lips. To his delight, Trevor doesn’t resist.

“Pervert,” Trevor mutters. But despite himself, the sting of blush on his cheeks contrasts vividly with the rest of his pale skin. Darshan can make out the individual breaths, the pounding of his heart against his chest. He loved this. Loved the way Trevor responded to his touch, the familiarity of it all too much. For someone who could so expertly mask his emotions in the company of his teammates, the absence of such yielded a remarkable difference.

“Look who’s talking,” he presses their faces close, those all too kissable lips merely inches away from his own. Darshan can make out a glimpse of the flaring ache his boyfriend is trying all too hard to hide in those familiar, brown pools.

Eyes he could spend days staring at, and never once grow tired.

Trevor looks away, best attempts to supress what was all too obvious. He wasn’t going to give in that easily to Darshan. It was silly really, but he’d be lying if he didn’t very much prefer it if he was the one seducing Darshan, and not the other way around. Ego be damned. “Pouting isn’t going to make me kiss you or miss you Darshan, nice try.”

“Aww come on,” Darshan whimpers, feigning hurt and disappointment. Trevor rolls his eyes at that. “Two whole weeks and you say you don’t miss me?”

A chuckle escapes Trevor’s pale lips.

 

“Hey I was joking, calm down.”

“I know you were, don’t worry.”

Trevor scowls at that, much to his boyfriend’s amusement.

“God you’re so annoying.”

 

“But I’m the best, aren’t I?” Darshan smirks, poking his head around to meet Trevor’s constantly dodgy gaze, almost like a game of cat and mouse. It’s silly really, and Trevor’s impish smile gives everything he wants to say away.

“Yeah, you’re the best at being annoying.”

This time however, he doesn’t take the bait.

“That’s not all that I’m the best at… _Trevie_ ,” he purrs, gently grazing his boyfriend’s exposed skin. He knows how much Trevor likes that name.

The sound of Darshan calling him by that causes Trevor to draw a shuddering breath. He can faintly make out the familiar thirst in Darshan’s eyes. For once, he’s reminded of the unease of showing affection in public. If only Darshan had come home at the correct time, if only he hadn’t been caught off guard. He’d be in his room, waiting. Attracting as little attention as humanly possible. But not this. “Darshan… Wait. We’re not alone…” But can’t quite find his footing for words he daren’t speak. Despite everything, he’d be lying, lying badly, if he said he didn’t want Darshan to touch him, to kiss him. Public or not, a lie is a lie.

“So?” Darshan murmurs, absentmindedly pressing against Trevor’s athletic frame. “Come on. I missed you. And no one’s around, so it’s fine.”

Trevor pouts at that, feigning unimpressed. But he can’t fool himself. He can’t fool Darshan. The familiar heat, the pounding impulse, his heart hammering away. He knows. Darshan knows.  “We’re going to get caught,” he frowns, but his voice feels weak and feeble against the insurmountable and insatiable desire in his core. He knows that’s not a very good excuse, since no one’s around, but it’s a little frightening nonetheless.

“Shh, shh, not so loud,” Darshan breaths, barely audible, gently moving his fingers over to graze his marksman’s exposed skin, before ghosting down his arm. He knows this is what Trevor likes best. Knows that it’s just a game, a small challenge to win his lover over. “They’ll hear us. But if we’re discreet about it…” His fingers find their place, gently locking around Trevor’s. To his delight, the boy doesn’t resist the touch, but doesn’t quite return it. Not yet at least.  “…They won’t find out,” he finishes.

And of course, as predicted, that was all it took for Trevor to start reciprocating his touch, the blood rushing through his veins, the flaring heat in his core untamed.

Trevor sighs. Well, he wasn’t about to turn down what was a _very_ enticing offer. Oh, how he wishes Darshan was a little more careful though, a little more meticulous about keeping things under wraps. His eyes quickly scan the room, once more finding no one, no one to interrupt what was supposedly a private moment. Good. The thought of someone walking in on them frightens him to no end, as it always had.

 

_I guess it’s okay…_

 

“Fine,” he gives in at last, an exaggerated sigh escaping his pale lips.

“That’s my boy,” Darshan whispers into his ear, his silky voice possessive, almost frightening. There is something unnerving about the timbre, some unreal, unfathomable beauty about it.

Some unreal, unfathomable beauty in the way those long, dark fingers stroke his cheeks, run through his neatly combed locks, igniting flames if they so much as grazed his skin. Trevor supresses a shiver, the fear of getting caught suddenly being overwhelmed by the desire to be with Darshan.

He was right after all. It’d been two weeks. Two whole weeks. He’d be lying if he said this wasn’t what he wanted. And after a long battle of wills, it is finally he who concedes. It’s bittersweet really, but surrendering to Darshan isn’t all that bad. He really gets to make out all the delicate features of Darshan’s clean-shaven face, his smooth, dark skin, those expressive, perfect eyes… Those petal-like lips. He doesn’t have time to think, to even speak. The temptation is far too great, far too strong. Their kiss starts off slowly, almost too light and gentle for his taste, but it does allow him to appreciate every little aspect, from the shape of Darshan’s lips to the way he applied force. That wasn’t a problem. They had plenty of time when they made it to the bedroom.

“You’re mine.”

It sends shivers down Trevor’s spine, and he can only wonder just what other madness those dark, perfect, petal like lips of his can cause.

Darshan might be a damn good singer. Maybe a little pretentious, but damn, that man possessed one hell of a voice.

Darshan was also a damn good kisser. Now, anyone could’ve guessed that.

But no one knew that Darshan was a damn good cocksucker.

Well, no one but one.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... Leave a comment if you liked it/hated it?
> 
> LCS starts next chapter... Take a guess what that means for poor CLG
> 
> Thanks to ciseauxx and TheNorthRemembers for helping me with this


End file.
